Male-Female Friendship

[Xenomorgue]

What do you think -- how difficult is it for a guy to develop a FRIENDSHIP with a -fairly attractive- woman?

I have been trying to just that over the last two years, and I must say it is a tough going. Not easy at all.

While this woman and I enjoy each other's company and we sometimes go to restaurants, I certainly have the feeling that she is defensive about her (other) social activities and private life. In other words the whole thing is a bit asymmetric, since I try to make the friendship work and she is holding back a bit (though she likes the restaurants I take her to....).

The following factors may play a role:
1. I have a higher education than she has.
2. My financial situation is much better than hers.
3. She is a busy woman, while I have lots of free time.
4. We do not share hobbies or interests.
5. Because of the lack of development, my enthusiasm is diminishing.

[boombingbang]

I certainly have the feeling that she is defensive about her (other) social activities and private life.

I don't understand exactly. Are you just trying to be friends or fuck her or are you already (the latter)? If the former then it sounds like you're already there to some degree of friendship-ness at least (ie in as far as she seems to want to keep it regarding sharing personal details, etc) and who cares per quoted above as long as it's fun to you however limited - my only suggestion here is you let her pay for dinner once in a while and not let her mooch.

If the latter (ie. you fucking her) again who cares per quoted above as long as there is no or limited blowback or potential thereof as she is not giving grief and/or expecting you to take part in any of her deceptions and cover-ups per her cheatings, attention-seeking/gossip-stirrings, and any other all-around scumbaggery. If this is so I further say enjoy the part-time company & lay - and also maybe this justifies you footing the dinner bill all the time.

However, if you want a serious relationship with this person either way, I can tell you now by the limited quote above it sounds like she is a lying dirtbag, hiding something, and plain not worth it. And lastly if you think differently and try to delude yourself & make her into something more than she is despite the reality of her shady character you are headed straight to Horseshitville on a constipated horse. If no complete honesty and openness then I say take advantage of whatever there is to be had in associating with the broad but keep your distance and one eye over your shoulder.

For what it's worth, there you go - just my opinion.

[boombingbang]

One more suggestion. If she is one of them bitches that spends half her time with you gabbing on her cell phone, knock a couple of her fucking teeth out.

[Xenomorgue]

She is a nice, charming lady whom I met almost two years ago on a blind date. This first date was long and pleasant. Hence we agreed on seeing each other more often on a FRIENDLY (non-sexual) basis.

Since then I have made an effort to develop this friendship by taking her to restaurants and by keeping in touch (MSN, email). Actually I hoped and expected that we would start doing more things together, i.e. go to cinema, theater, museum, weekends to Paris or Brussels or London, a walk on the beach, etc.

But she claims that while she enjoys such activities they belong to her "private sphere" and she is not ready to share them with me.

Perhaps this is understandable. And of course I realize that she is free to do with her free time as she pleases. But I feel that her defensiveness has a negative influence on the friendship, since it is slowly killing my commitment to make it work.

My point is that I find it much harder to keep this one MF friendship going than all my regular MM friendships. I wonder if other guys on this forum have the same experience ?

[boombingbang]

Didn't mean to insult you or your lady-friend by the way. Just a first impression, objective (at least per my prsonal experience) viewpoint, and as blunt & honest an assessment as I can give. Continuing with your additional info, I'd have to agree with you in that this "segmentation" of activites or "private sphere" business as she puts it is very off-putting (and in my mind & irrelevant: suspicious). I once made the mistake of playing within "constraints" but it was more serious than friendship so I can't speak to that specifically. But I think my philosophy is sound regardless which is: be happy & content with shared time & all associated but when you want to make it more than what is comfortable for one or both AND further get such direct resistance, I think it's safe to assume it's what it is and will always be.

Lastly, yeah sure MM friendships are much easier but they are much different, aren't they? I mean you aren't going to suggest a weekend trip to Paris with Billy from the old neighborhood, right? I think it obvious (and I may be wrong) that you want your "friendship" with said "attractive" & "charming" ladyfriend to get to the "romantic sphere" and she doesn't want to go there per whatever untold reason or at least she (like myself) suspects such motives on your part per insistence or suggestions for extra-curricular activities. Food for thought.

[robot]

Wuz gonna say something but hey, this is "NONSENSE" after all
my 2 cents: it'll be a lot easier for such a friendship if the chick in question is your ex. Nor maybe not, now that I think about it...

Btw Boombing, you seemed quite ... mmm... kinda.... like.... angry or is it just my impression?

[boombingbang]

The cell phone thing makes me nuts sure but other than that it's all honest opinion. I'd be interested in a solid counter argument but as far as my experience has taught me it's solid - unpleasant & "angry" as it may seem.

[robot]

The cell phone thing makes me nuts sure but other than that it's all honest opinion. I'd be interested in a solid counter argument but as far as my experience has taught me it's solid - unpleasant & "angry" as it may seem.

interesting to see you react this way to a cellphone experience when you seemed to have endless patience with ruthless pornstars on a thread somewhere... well i guess we're all complex items and categorization is not an easy feat. I tend to put people in boxes when I really shouldn't.

To contribute to your question, I can only give you personal examples. I can say i m friends with 2, maybe 3 hot chicks, but 2 of them I really dont have physical interest in them, although many guys find them hot. The other one, I dont know, she was a love interest, bright love interest, for many years and then it just stopped. Believe me or not, we sleep in the same bed, and neither of us even thinks about putting the other one in the sack, crazy as it seems. (Snoutz, if you read this, this is who you know )

So, in one case, I have no rational explanation, and the other two, well, they're not my type, and actually, the friendship is just limited to hanging out once in a while, having dinner, walk in the park with the dogs, so it's not important friendship, like the people that make you laugh, laugh with and make you really care about how they feel.

Bottom line: i think it's natural for a man to push the "friendship" with a girl to a full-fledged relationship, including sex. and it's hard not to, except when you're not interested or weird, like me.

sometimes also, you ve known a hot girl so long that she becomes less hot, sometimes physically less hot (men last longer than women in this respect), and then you lose interest altogether, even for a so-called "friendship", so you're not even interested in that anymore.

damn, what am i doing here posting away when I should be unpacking my suitcase? Dear Abby,...

[boombingbang]

robot: Per cell phone comment, I don't deny my own hypocracy & lust-driven duality as I wouldn't mind some chicks talking on their cell while I F them so long as they are attractive & subserviant enough per my standards. On the otherhand I'm not ignorant & blind per the need for patience, tact & diplomacy born of the all-inclusive, shared, & communal desire & preference of peaceful co-existence; an active, pleasant, lively, & friendly msgbrd atmosphere; and not getting my ass ip-banned yet again from like my 12th msgbrd. Plus I know a bunch of big words such that I can subliminally slam & slander as needed & as you have demonstrated above...bravo by the way.

[robot]

robot: Per cell phone comment, I don't deny my own hypocracy

i parsed that above statement with my custom Lex&Yacc (the one with the FBI add-on grammar) and the results are in: you re a native english speaker. "Hypocrisy" - you spelled it the way people pronounce it.

& lust-driven duality as I wouldn't mind some chicks talking on their cell while I F them so long as they are attractive & subserviant enough per my standards. On the otherhand I'm not ignorant & blind per the need for patience, tact & diplomacy born of the all-inclusive, shared, & communal desire & preference of peaceful co-existence; an active, pleasant, lively, & friendly msgbrd atmosphere; and not getting my ass ip-banned yet again from like my 12th msgbrd. Plus I know a bunch of big words such that I can subliminally slam & slander as needed & as you have demonstrated above...bravo by the way.

IP ass-banning is all relative anyway. Plus, it's like broccoli: it's actually good for you. About IP banning, can I ask you if you're the illuminati dude I battled so hard with my regular expressions back in the EBI comments days? If you are, then we're both nuts

Second, cookies are overrated and there's nothing a dynamic IP and a forged email account cant get you these days. But i'm sure u know that. And let me finish this by sending another underhand slap to that terminally-PMS'ed, disease-ridden skanky ho I mentionned above

LAstly, I would like to say that I played the carpet for so long that I totally relate to the poster who started the thread. But once you've lived long enough to realize this only drives you into a wall, complete with rusty nails protruding, then you kinda feel like changing the way you look at things. Not the hollywood, romantic approach to man-woman relationships, not even the american dating rules way, but the no-nonsense, no holds barred, practical way. That means, don't even think of a male-female friendship, it just means you;re a wimpy, too-nice-with-women dude, the kinda guy who cannot get any. I should know, I'm one of them. It's still too early for me to say "I was one of them", but I'm seeing some results, so it's a gradual thing. Recovering... Learning not to reply to SMS, how to say no, how to stand your ground, even if it means killing all chances to get into her pussy. What the hell. It would've been more trouble anyway. For the original question, here's one advice: DROP THE CHICK AS SOON AS YOU REALIZE SHE'S NOT INTERESTED. It doesnt matter if she looks so good that your tonsils melt in your throat. You won't get her anyway. Drop your ego. or at least adjust it to the level it should be.

I think I will throw this computer out the window, what the f@#(*&! am I posting in the nonsense thread at 2:30am when I have to wake up at 7 tomorrow.

[boombingbang]

I haven't been on this board prior my join date but have thus far been ip'd on my former fav MMA board Sherdog & my former fav "general" porn board over at FreeOnes - both ridiculous & baseless moves and their word-game-playing-assees lose if it's possible to any greater degree. So no desire here to subvert their pitiful protections from me as I am Satan reborn and digitized. Lastly, I think the late hour has warped your subtle-meter per aforementioned sublime. So I advise perhaps taking a look-see & reflecting before you start counting sheep maybe or not.

[robot]

Lastly, I think the late hour has warped your subtle-meter per aforementioned sublime. So I advise perhaps taking a look-see & reflecting before you start counting sheep maybe or not.

hey waddya know, i appeared to have blasted a few sheep with my glock .45, and at the same time probably knocked my subtle-o-meter a couple times too many.

My advice to you would be to let go of the crypticotron and burp a few sentences everyone could read without a headache. i know. do what i say, dont do what i do and if I may suggest, get your Zoe to participate in this forum, so that you have someone worth taking sides for. actually you know what? I think I'll do that, I'll ask her to register and write something here next time I hop over there. How's that for ya?

Other than that, i do plan on catching more Zs tonight. I'll dream of myself as an executive in waste management who just processed some fair-haired airhead aka "damaged goods" in this very forum.

[sbando]

BUNNY VS. THE WORLD!

[robot]

BUNNY VS. THE WORLD!

just wait 'til you see what i brought back from my last trip
it falls under US military export laws!
just kiddin', Condi.

and it's VS THE WHOLE @$(&*! UNIVERSE! (incl. myself, unfortunately)

but i m really not against boombing at all, i was just venting my ire in a reply post. i guess i m kinda like the one i despise, after all. blind rage aimed at passersby and bystanders.

[STEMCELL]

ha, ha, so you found Saddams WMD`s ?